Madame Olympia
Let’s turn to a completely different kind of children’s book, the funny Which Witch? (1979), by Eva Ibbotson. According to School Librarian, Ibbotson “has assumed the mantle of Roald Dahl.” I wouldn’t go that far, but the writer certainly has her points.
A number of Ibbotson’s fans dismiss Which Witch as a lesser effort. Having never read another of her books (yet), I can only say that lines like “But sailors had never been doomed by her, partly because she looked like the back of a bus ... ” positively guarantee my admiration.
The unfortunately bus-faced female is Mabel Wrack, one of the witches of Todcaster vying for the hand of handsome Arriman the Awful, Wizard of the North, Loather of Light, Blighter of the Beautiful. Arriman, you see, has been advised to produce an heir to assume his mantle, and to do that he needs to take a wife—a witch, naturally, one with powers of the requisite magnitude. But how to tease out the very best (worst) candidate from the local coven? Why, with a competition, of course, to be held during the week of Halloween. Whoever does the “vilest, darkest, and most powerful piece of magic” will become Mrs. Arriman Canker, and lucky her.
The contestants are, to put it kindly, bags, save lovely Belladonna, a white witch and therefore completely out of her element. Enter the fearsome Madame Olympia, who has recently (suspiciously recently) relocated from London. Madame has been a missus five times already, and it’s been remarked that with the passing of each mister, her necklace of human teeth gets noticeably longer.
“‘You wanted power and darkness, you Wizard of the North,’” Madame Olympia is overheard sneering to herself. “‘Well it is power and darkness, you shall have!’” It won’t surprise you to learn that Madame isn’t opposed to spying to achieve her ends:
Just for fun, here’s another description that made me chuckle: “The unpleasant voice belonged to a tall, bony woman with a yellowish skin and a nose you could cut cheese with.”
Wicked!
A number of Ibbotson’s fans dismiss Which Witch as a lesser effort. Having never read another of her books (yet), I can only say that lines like “But sailors had never been doomed by her, partly because she looked like the back of a bus ... ” positively guarantee my admiration.
The unfortunately bus-faced female is Mabel Wrack, one of the witches of Todcaster vying for the hand of handsome Arriman the Awful, Wizard of the North, Loather of Light, Blighter of the Beautiful. Arriman, you see, has been advised to produce an heir to assume his mantle, and to do that he needs to take a wife—a witch, naturally, one with powers of the requisite magnitude. But how to tease out the very best (worst) candidate from the local coven? Why, with a competition, of course, to be held during the week of Halloween. Whoever does the “vilest, darkest, and most powerful piece of magic” will become Mrs. Arriman Canker, and lucky her.
The contestants are, to put it kindly, bags, save lovely Belladonna, a white witch and therefore completely out of her element. Enter the fearsome Madame Olympia, who has recently (suspiciously recently) relocated from London. Madame has been a missus five times already, and it’s been remarked that with the passing of each mister, her necklace of human teeth gets noticeably longer.
“‘You wanted power and darkness, you Wizard of the North,’” Madame Olympia is overheard sneering to herself. “‘Well it is power and darkness, you shall have!’” It won’t surprise you to learn that Madame isn’t opposed to spying to achieve her ends:
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| “She had taken on a form much used by witches: that of a fleet and silent hare. But no real hare ever had in its eyes the look that was in this one’s: evil and calculating and unutterably cruel.” Illustration by Annabel Large. |
Wicked!
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